Sometimes I’ve had it…

I have dealt with T1 diabetes for 29 years and for the most part I maintain a positive outlook about dealing with this disease. Recently, however, I have had it. I am sick and tired of the roller coaster of highs and lows when I’m not exercising and of the constant blood testing and snacking when I am. My A1c is decent, 6.5, and has been for almost my entire run with this beast. I just want a break. Actually, I am on what I call a break! A break for me is a few less blood tests each day and a little less exercise. But a break like that takes its toll as well – flailing control and an overall worse attitude. So I am getting back to the grind of tighter control and trying to level off this roller coaster I’m on but it’s getting to me. I’m burnt out but diabetes doesn’t give you the opportunity to get burnt out and take a break. Even when I take a break the monkey is on my back tormenting me with each morsel of food I ingest or each step I take in the interest of better health. I rant and that does help some, but… I still have to pay very close attention to my diabetes.

Now there is a lot of press about an artificial pancreas and that sounds awesome. It is still not, however, a cure. It still involves technology and sites and a constant medical monitoring. While I shouldn’t complain because the advent of the pump was very liberating once I embraced that technology. I am somewhat resistant to change because once I find something that kind of works for my control I don’t like to change too much because transitions are always hard and somewhat unpredictable when I change my control regiment.

Yea, I am sick of it. I am burnt out. I want a break. But tomorrow is another day, a day when I will wake up, do a blood test, eat, get on my bike and enjoy the early spring weather as I continue to try and control the beast. Here’s to a new attitude tomorrow but today I may just have to have a jelly doughnut!